It's the eve of my last swim meet.
Thirteen years of swimming have come and gone.
I'm not sure how I will react tomorrow when the last event is complete. Will I experience joy and a small tear in my eye? Will I fall down on my knees and give thanks for the wonderful memories and lessons I have learned? Or will the flood gates open and will I find myself weeping with sadness that my swim life is over? Will I be satisfied and feel complete or will I have regrets that I didn't savor every stroke?
Swimming has been my life.
It's been two practices a day. Up before the sun, as early as 4:30 am to drive to morning practice or attend a swim meet. Will I suddenly be able to sleep past 6 am? Will I be able to stay up past 11 pm or will I still find myself crawling in early to get a good night sleep in preparation for an early morning practice or swim meet that no longer requires me to attend?
Swim caps and endless pairs of swim goggles have become part of the home decor. Do I throw them out? Or do I put them in a box and store them so that one day I can pull them out and reflect on all the accomplishments, successes, disappointments and lessons learned?
Twelve swim towels a week.
Practice suits, race suits, swim bags, bag tags, three drawers of meet shirts, warm-ups, sweatshirts, fins, snorkels, and kick boards. Medals, ribbons, heat sheets, psych sheets, and meet programs. The language of a swimmer no longer spoken after tomorrow.
Bagels and cream cheese. The staples of a swimmer's diet. Will they ever be eaten again?
Swimming has been my life.
I learned incredible time management skills. I learned to handle disappointment when things didn't go well and graciously accept congratulations when they did. I learned that life isn't always fair. I learned that it's not about the fastest time, the final grade, or what place you finish. It's about the preparation, the hard work, the attitude, the act of competing and that you finished at all, regardless of how fast or who you beat in the process. At the end of the day, it's knowing that you gave it all you had.
Swimming has been my life.
And yet....I never got in the pool. Not once in thirteen years.
I was a parent in the stands.
I was the driver to early morning practices and meets.
I was the one up all night drying towels, swim suits, and warm-ups.
I packed the bagels and cream cheese.
I took the pictures and videos.
I hung the ribbons and medals.
I cheered and I cried.
I gave high fives and embraced her and wrapped my arms around her.
I was always the proudest parent at the meet.
On the eve of my last swim meet I marvel at what an incredible person she has become.
She has endured thirteen years of intense training, competing, moments on the podium, very high highs and very low lows. She has experienced successes and she has dealt with disappointment. She has been through injuries and illnesses, and coaches who are in jail. She always hung tough and pushed through the adversities. She never gave up.
I was as proud of her when she came in first as I was when she came in the middle of the pack or got disqualified because she always handled herself with such dignity regardless of the outcome.
She wasn't always the fastest and she didn't always finish first, but she always finished and she finished with her head held high and never made excuses for her performance.
Swimming has been my life.
When it ends tomorrow and we walk out of the pool for the last time I will turn to her and hug her and thank her for all that she has taught me. She was the teacher in the pool and I was the student in the stands.
I'm sure I will shed a tear but it will be a tear of joy, for all that she has accomplished and all that she has become.
I love you, courtney!
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