Sammy Squirrel - RIP

I was out walking through the neighborhood tonight when I was reminded of a night just like tonight thirty five years ago. I'm not sure what triggered the memory, but it might have been the overwhelming number of rabbits and squirrels out grazing in the grass.

In the town where I grew up there were actually "blocks". We walked around the "block", not the culdesac, not the circle but the "block". There were no planned neighborhoods with fancy names, retention ponds, green space and pools. Just street after street of houses that fit nicely together, side by side with backyards that backed up to....backyards.

At the age of eleven I had many more boy friends than girl friends. It could have been because I liked to play ball, climb trees, ride motorbikes, dig in the dirt, escape out my bedroom window late at night and shimmy down the down spout and play with roadkill.

Several of us (3 boys and me) were out late one summer evening trying to find something to do. We were discussing options while we walked around the block. On the street directly behind mine we came across a deceased squirrel (we'll call him Sammy). Sammy was lying (or laying, I can never get that right) peacefully in the street. He was in pretty good shape, except for the fact that he was dead. He was not smashed and there was no blood. It looked like he had been trying to cross the street, was missed being hit and died of a heart attack brought on by the near miss.

Billy (and his name really was Billy) picked Sammy up with his four and a half fingers (Billy lost half of his pinky finger the summer before when we tried to hammer an M80 into a pipe that was too small and the M80 exploded prematurely taking part of Billy's finger with it). Anyway, back to Sammy. We couldn't leave poor Sammy in the street to be run over by a car and become filling for the small potholes where he lay. We were going to give Sammy a proper burial. A classy burial.

Back in the 1970's we didn't lock our front doors, and we definitely did not lock our car doors. Billy carried Sammy a bit further until we found the perfect burial site. A brand new Cadillac!! I opened the car door and Billy and I placed Sammy on the driver's seat, sat him up perfectly straight with his little hands on the bottom of the steering wheel! We closed the door and peeked in the window to make sure Sammy was still sitting up nice and straight! He was and the little guy had a white knuckled grip on that steering wheel! He wasn't letting go, he was going out in style and we could actually see a small smirk on that little guy's face!

We never went back to check on Sammy that evening. We would have stayed around for introductions but it was getting late and I think I heard my mom calling. I do hope the owner of that brand new Cadillac enjoyed his surprise the next morning when he opened his car door. I know Sammy did!

Rest in Peace, Sammy!

Mother's Day - A Day Like Any Other

This past Sunday was Mother's Day. My day.

It was just like any other day. Sure there were wonderful cards from my husband and children, beautiful flowers and a fabulous dinner from one of my favorite restaurants. But....it was just like every other Sunday, every other day of the week.

I walked around the house and picked up a half dozen pairs of tennis shoes and sandals (none of which were mine). I did several loads of laundry, folded the clothes and set them in the kid's bedrooms. I folded throws on the family room couch, put the remote back in it's place, and vacuumed. I did dishes, emptied the dishwasher, swept the floor and wiped the counter tops.

I answered questions like, "Mom, have you seen my shoes, my car keys, my backpack?" I made Monday's lunches, ran to Target to buy notebooks and pencils and stopped at the ATM to get the kid's lunch money for the week.

I took my son to Barnes and Noble like I do every day so he could do his homework. My daughter and I went grocery shopping like we do every Sunday. It was just a Sunday like every other Sunday.

In the past I've been frustrated by the clutter and chaos. At times I've been short with my kids when they've asked me if I've seen their shoes. My answer has always been the same, "No, I wasn't the last one to wear them". Often the laundry was overwhelming. Many times I was up late washing and drying a uniform in preparation for an early morning game. All too often, I got tired of making lunches and lost my creativity when it came to making meals.

Being a mom is exhausting, a mom's job is never done, and as I look back on the last eighteen years, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

This past Sunday I felt so very blessed. I welcomed the busyness of being a mom and the exhaustion that comes with it because...

Soon, I won't be taking Michael to Barnes and Noble everyday or Courtney to the grocery store for our weekly shopping trip.

Soon, those shoes won't be scattered around the house, the amount of laundry will be diminished, the dishwasher will take weeks to fill and no one will be asking me if I've seen their personal belongings. Everything will rest neatly in their places and for days go untouched.

I enjoyed this Mother's Day more than any other. I cherished each and every moment of the day from picking up the messes to sitting down to dinner with my family. I looked at each of my kid's with a tear in my eye and thanked them for their messes, the quiet time they spent with me at the bookstore and the grocery store, for trusting me to raise them as best I could and for forgiving me for the mistakes I've made along the way. There were plenty.

Inspite of those mistakes I've made, they've grown into two wonderful, caring, loving, successful, loyal, and honest human beings and I couldn't be prouder to be their mom!

Courtney and Michael, I love you!

Father/Daughter Time

This past February I decided what I wanted most for my birthday was a long weekend away by myself to read, relax and just catch my breath from the day to day chaos of being a wife, mother and part time employee.

Don't get me wrong....life is good. Life is great! I've been so very blessed to have two beautiful, healthy, and talented children and a husband of 22 years who has worked hard to support us. He has given me one of the greatest gifts which is to be able to stay home and raise my two children. Even though they are teenagers now, they still need "raising"!

Anyway, I couldn't come up with anything I needed for my birthday so I requested a long weekend of a little R and R. I had originally planned to go by myself but got to thinking that it might be fun to have a companion!

As we grow older, go away to school, get married and have our own families we see less and less of our parents and siblings. It's never intentional but we get busy with our own day to day lives. With technology today we talk more but also talk less. What I mean is that very often I "talk" to my family members but don't hear their voices. We email and text because it's convenient but in reality we're cheating ourselves out of the opportunity to actually talk to each other, to listen and to hear each others voices. I got to thinking how sad I would be if my last conversation with my Dad had been a text or an email and not a phone or face to face conversation. He only lives two hours away but because of our busy schedules we rarely see each other except for holidays and family events.

So....I asked my dad to come with me on my mini get away. He of course thought I was joking or maybe having a case of the winter blues but I told him no, I was serious. He agreed, we planned and on April 15th we flew to Amelia Island, Florida.

Just he and I!

I can't tell you how long it's been since I've had my Dad to myself because I honestly can't remember the last time! It's been that long.

The best part of the five days? We did absolutley nothing!! We didn't rush around sightseeing, didn't fish, horseback ride, golf or ride bicycles (all of which were available).

We did nothing!

We spent five days just enjoying being together. We talked, we shared memories, and Dad shared some of his life history with me. We read quietly on the beach for hours, often not speaking for long periods of time. We didn't need to. We were together in the same town, on the same beach, under the same umbrella! I know, as I've known since I was little, that he's always there for me even when we aren't under the same beach umbrella.

I'm so grateful to have had the time to just BE with my Dad. I will always cherish those five days on Amelia Island when I had my Dad all to myself! I've made myself a promise to pick up the phone and speak to my relatives more often rather than being lazy with an email or a text. I challenge you to do the same. There is nothing like hearing the voice of a friend or loved one. There is simply no subsitute!

Lastly, there is nothing as special as a Father/Daughter relationship. It doesn't matter if you're six or forty six. A daughter always needs her Daddy time!

Thanks Dad!

I love you!

Forgiveness - No Better Gift

We all make mistakes. However, every now and then we do something really, really stupid and we can't call it a mistake! It was planned and we thought, well thought out.

It wasn't.

It was bad judgement.

I had a day like this last week.

People who know me well know that I love April first. It's always been one of my favorite days of the year. My family and friends take the time to remind each other of the day. They usually scatter on this day and try to stay out of my view. They take turns keeping an eye on my whereabouts. Most of them at some point in time have been victims of a Laurie Paisley April Fools joke. I can recall most of the harmless April Fool's pranks I pulled on people from my elementary school days through adulthood. They've all been harmless.

Until last week.

I'm not going to go into the details of the day but trust me when I say, in looking back, the prank was thoughtless, not amusing, harmful and potentially disastrous. Disastrous because I damaged an amazing friendship and almost lost a very important person in my life. When I realized the damage I had done I apologized but realized an apology wasn't going to be enough. For several days I was literally sick. I had messed up and messed up in a big way. There was nothing I could do to fix things.

It was out of my hands.

My friend was the only one who could repair the damage that I had done. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I was at fault, he/she was the victim but I couldn't repair the damage to the relationship....

There was only one thing that could take away the pit in my stomach, the sleepless nights and the ache I had in my heart....his/her forgiveness.

After five silent days and a ton of prayers, I heard from my friend. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when I saw that email in my in box. It took several email exchanges to get it settled. I deserved every bit of the disappointed tone and lecture I received. In fact, I welcomed it! When it was all said and done I felt relief like I have never felt before.

I am so grateful to my friend who found it in his/her heart to forgive me. I would have suffered for a long time without that forgiveness. It's exhausting and painful to carry a load of regret around for any length of time.

If you have strained relationships with friends or family members, I encourage you to put your anger and hurt aside and find it in your heart to forgive.

Forgiveness - There is no greater gift that you can give.

Thank you for your gift!

A Day in the Life of a Bookseller

Many of you know that I work for a national bookstore. Some of you have heard the crazy stories I've told about customers and their insane requests! At times they are so unbelievable you have commented that I must be making them up! Something happened to one of my coworkers last night and I just had to share!

I am retelling the story as told to me by my coworker, we'll call her "Jodi".

A customer came up to customer service and asked "Jodi" if she had a piece of tape. Jodi said sure and proceeded to rip a piece of tape off the dispenser and offer it to the customer. Without taking the tape, the customer came around to the opening of customer service, turned around and dropped her pants, exposing a pain patch located on her a**! She then asked Jodi to place the piece of tape on her pain patch because she didn't think she could reach it! Reluctantly, Jodi placed the tape on the patch. The customer pulled up her pants, turned to Jodi and asked, "Was that uncomfortable for you?"

Ya think?

Just another Day in the Life of a Bookseller...

Great Balls of Fire!!

Growing up in that small Cleveland suburb of Bay Village was, at times, quite boring. I owe the small amount of creativity and imagination that I have today to that little city on the shores of Lake Erie. We actually had to THINK of something to do on those summer days.

We could go into our garages, retrieve a couple of items and invent a game in minutes!

I recall one of my favorites! It only took a couple of tennis balls, a can of gasoline, a match and voila you had Great Balls of Fire!

The summer nights were often aglow in our neighborhood. We took the tennis balls, soaked them in gasoline and then of course, lit them on fire. We played a very "quick" game of catch so as not to burn our hands or set our clothes on fire. Every now and then we'd get out the tennis rackets and baseball bats and use them to bat the balls around. A game of Great Balls of Fire Baseball was fantastic! As I look back, it's a wonder we didn't set something on fire!

The next morning our yards were littered with circles of singed grass and bald, blackened, crusty tennis balls! A perfect reminder of the fun we had the night before.

It's a shame our kids today don't have the same sense of imagination and adventure. The other day I tried to get my kids and their friends to play a game of Great Balls of Fire with me and they looked at me as if I had lost my mind! They were actually concerned they might get burned!

It's all kind of sad to me.

Today the kids play on a screen, not in the front yard. They light fires with controllers, not matches. They don't imagine and invent. These days playing a game "together" means all your friends are playing the same game on a wireless gaming system at the same time while sitting in several different locations. What fun is that? How about a little face to face, rough and tumble?

We need to introduce the kids of today to the many treasures that are located in our basements, attics and garages. They need to know the many uses of jump ropes, buckets, fishing wire, gasoline, balls of all shapes and sizes, garbage bags, bicycles, large electrical wire spools, tools and tool boxes, hoses, sprinklers and road kill.

Oh....the many uses of road kill!

That's a whole different summer night!

What I've learned from Thirteen Years of Swimming

It's the eve of my last swim meet.

Thirteen years of swimming have come and gone.

I'm not sure how I will react tomorrow when the last event is complete. Will I experience joy and a small tear in my eye? Will I fall down on my knees and give thanks for the wonderful memories and lessons I have learned? Or will the flood gates open and will I find myself weeping with sadness that my swim life is over? Will I be satisfied and feel complete or will I have regrets that I didn't savor every stroke?

Swimming has been my life.

It's been two practices a day. Up before the sun, as early as 4:30 am to drive to morning practice or attend a swim meet. Will I suddenly be able to sleep past 6 am? Will I be able to stay up past 11 pm or will I still find myself crawling in early to get a good night sleep in preparation for an early morning practice or swim meet that no longer requires me to attend?

Swim caps and endless pairs of swim goggles have become part of the home decor. Do I throw them out? Or do I put them in a box and store them so that one day I can pull them out and reflect on all the accomplishments, successes, disappointments and lessons learned?

Twelve swim towels a week.

Practice suits, race suits, swim bags, bag tags, three drawers of meet shirts, warm-ups, sweatshirts, fins, snorkels, and kick boards. Medals, ribbons, heat sheets, psych sheets, and meet programs. The language of a swimmer no longer spoken after tomorrow.

Bagels and cream cheese. The staples of a swimmer's diet. Will they ever be eaten again?

Swimming has been my life.

I learned incredible time management skills. I learned to handle disappointment when things didn't go well and graciously accept congratulations when they did. I learned that life isn't always fair. I learned that it's not about the fastest time, the final grade, or what place you finish. It's about the preparation, the hard work, the attitude, the act of competing and that you finished at all, regardless of how fast or who you beat in the process. At the end of the day, it's knowing that you gave it all you had.

Swimming has been my life.

And yet....I never got in the pool. Not once in thirteen years.

I was a parent in the stands.
I was the driver to early morning practices and meets.
I was the one up all night drying towels, swim suits, and warm-ups.
I packed the bagels and cream cheese.
I took the pictures and videos.
I hung the ribbons and medals.
I cheered and I cried.
I gave high fives and embraced her and wrapped my arms around her.

I was always the proudest parent at the meet.

On the eve of my last swim meet I marvel at what an incredible person she has become.

She has endured thirteen years of intense training, competing, moments on the podium, very high highs and very low lows. She has experienced successes and she has dealt with disappointment. She has been through injuries and illnesses, and coaches who are in jail. She always hung tough and pushed through the adversities. She never gave up.

I was as proud of her when she came in first as I was when she came in the middle of the pack or got disqualified because she always handled herself with such dignity regardless of the outcome.

She wasn't always the fastest and she didn't always finish first, but she always finished and she finished with her head held high and never made excuses for her performance.

Swimming has been my life.

When it ends tomorrow and we walk out of the pool for the last time I will turn to her and hug her and thank her for all that she has taught me. She was the teacher in the pool and I was the student in the stands.

I'm sure I will shed a tear but it will be a tear of joy, for all that she has accomplished and all that she has become.

I love you, courtney!